This is not a Bipolar Blog

This is not a bipolar blog, I promise! I just thought I'd give everybody an update on how I'm doing. Well, it has been two days since I decided to quit taking my bipolar medication without consulting the psychiatrist. I did this for 3 reasons: 1) I couldn't and still can't get hold of him or anyone else who can help, 2) the side effects of the drug and 3) I was on a mild dose so figured complete withdrawal rather than weaning would not make me ill. So far on point no. 3 I have not been experiencing any adverse effects from discontinuation. Unfortunately, the side effects of the drug remain and may do so for a few weeks or even forever, just part and parcel of requiring medication, eh?

The side effects seem to accrue each day, today, I can add mad staring eyes to the list. Who remembers staring competitions at school? Well, I was always rubbish at them and why was it brown eyed people would win over blue eyed? Now, I can beat anyone - I just don't blink, that often. I'll have to watch out for dry eyes. My tongue is still doing a mad dance in my mouth, just fortunate it hasn't decided to go out for some air yet. Most of the time, I'm not aware of it. I've grown accustomed to my tongue and have given it the name "Bobby". The other side effect which falls under the umbrella of tardive dyskinesia (involuntary movements) is my face pulls into a sneer every so often. I can kind of counteract this by pulling an equally stupid face when I feel the sneer coming on, or just simply hide the sneer with my scarf or hand. Strange though, when I feel it about to come on and ask my boyfriend to look at it, it doesn't happen - we've all that haven't we when we've wanted to show a loved one a nervous tic?

Tardive dyskinesia is relatively rare, and usually doesn't happen until someone has been on an anti-psychotic for years - please don't be put off by the term anti-psychotic, they are used in the treatment of even mild bipolar and even autism and have been used quite successfully, as have anti-convulsants too, doesn't mean you're convulsing. TD for short is rare as is death, diabetes and diarrhoea which I just read on the list of NHS side effects for this drug. Sounds rosy, doesn't it?

The side effect I have that drives me up the wall or wants me to is akathisia - restlessness. You virtually can't sit still or stand still. I can sit still if I have music blaring, fingers maniacally typing, feet tapping - but take one of these props away and I just want to run. Reading or watching tv is impossible, so in company I'm not very good at the moment.

Well, that's how it is at the moment. Waiting for my psychiatrist to call so that I can be put on different medication and perhaps be prescribed something for the td and akathisia as well. Grateful for any comments or questions you may have on this post.