Confused

Hello all. It's been a while since I last blogged. Had to wait until I was stabilised moodwise on lamictal which is a drug used to treat epilepsy and bipolar disorder, of which I have the latter. The medication is working well and I am at a "therapeutic level". However, as I always find ways to moan about things, even good things, lamictal does have side effects.

OCD and anxiety are one of them (I lump them together as they are related, or related in my case). I must admit, I had OCD and a touch of anxiety before I started on this drug, but now both conditions are 10 times worse. The other night I was researching fire hazards in the home and what to do in the event of a fire. I looked around in dismay at the sole fire alarm in the flat I share with my two young children. I'd read that you should have one in every room, plus a fire blanket, an extinguisher and a portable ladder. Something at the back of my mind was telling me that this was a tad OTT, nonetheless this information got me worrying. Before I put my daughter to bed, I sat down with her and went through a fire drill with her. She looked bored and then concerned. This was at 10pm at night, not the most pleasant thing to send a child off to sleep sweetly. I then unplugged every socket in the house. I know this is quite morbid but this is an illustration of how my mind is working at the moment. I have also developed a penchant for cleaning everything stationary in the house, every day. I have cleaned doors, skirting boards, walls, furniture. I have vacuumed floors and ceilings. I have been applying with relish stain removers to the point where if I spot a stain I get excited.

The other thing that's causing problems with this medication is short term memory loss. I have many times recently, stood in the hallway wondering why I was standing in the hallway. I put things down in places I wouldn't normally put them down, thus making anything difficult to find. I am constantly fishing for the right word and wondering how to spell fairly simple words. At least I never forget to drink a whisky and coke or is that 5 whisky and cokes? I can never remember.

As with all medicine, there will be side effects but, in my case, it's a toss up between lousy depression and time wasting hypomania and/or being fairly happy and functioning. I'm just glad I found something I'm suited to. Okay, that is all as this laptop of mine is about to crash.