Carbs are for Losers

I sit here, drinking from a can of Special Brew and sucking a doughnut, replete after a lunch of spaghetti-stuffed baked potato and I am already craving a large Mars bar.

I undo my belt, burp and then fart. I feel so sluggish, I can't understand it - I got up at 10.30 and I suddenly feel so tired. Maybe an hour's nap will sort me out... zzzzzz

I'm up and hungry. My thrush is playing me up again and I examine my acne-covered face. I'll have a healthy snack of fructose-laden dietary yoghurt... hic. Maybe after that, I'll go to the gym (I religiously attend once a week) to workout to lose... no gain a few more pounds.

Seeing as a I just had a healthy low fat yoghurt, I'll eat a healthy banana too. That'll tide me over until dinner time.

I yawn cavernously. Bugger! I just haven't got the energy to cook, looks like it'll be a Lean Cuisine microwaveable pasta dish - it hasn't got many calories and it's the size of a child's fist. Should be enough....

Burp! I loosen my belt and let my soft tummy lie upon my soft thighs. I'm bored and I'm craving carbs again, that low fat meal was really small and I still feel ravenous. I need to eat something, something fast, something carby! I growl or is it my stomach? I know! A sandwich with margarine and jam. I lick my dry lips.

The doctor says the flab round my stomach is just "hunky dory", he says "what do you expect when you're menopausal? It's normal, just eat more carbs and low fat and you'll be alright. Join a gym, work out. If you don't lose much weight it doesn't matter, you're old, you're meant to be fat and they do a nice range of plus-size clothes these days, cheap too....".

I love my doctor, such a traditionalist, such a set-in-his-ways kind of person. He obviously hasn't read Gary Taubes' book "Why We Get Fat" and even if he has, the medical establishment like to believe that low fat/high carb is essential to energy and brain function. Pity the fact that we've only been consuming carbs such as bread, pasta, potatoes, rice etc for some 10,000 years. It makes you wonder how our ancestors - modern humans too - coped for 190,000 years without Greggs' sausage rolls or garlic bread from Pizza Hut.

Off now, I've got a glass of sugar to drink and a side plate of sugar to eat. That is, after all what you are consuming when you eat carbohydrates.