One facet of bipolar is hypomania (or mania in its extreme form). Hypomania is the "up" feeling of bipolar, although it can be manifested in agitation and irritability - so it isn't always necessarily euphoric and really happy. But anyway, during hypomania (which can last weeks or even months) you can sometimes get carried away by exaggerated beliefs about your capabilities and plan grandiose schemes and embark on over the top projects. Here are some of mine:
I started knitting squares - I was going to knit a vast blanket and then I was going to become a professional knitwear designer - I can only knit plain & purl - in a straight line.
I was going to be a stand up comic - okay, that's normal if you're funny - no, I was going to be the funniest female stand up ever.
I had a dream about Afghanistan, I woke up believing that I should go out there and solve all the problems in that region.
For a while I believed I was going to be a sandwich magnate, bigger than Pret a Manger, but not as big as McDonalds. I'd research sandwiches day and night. After about 2 weeks the novelty had worn off and I'd moved on to Manga oil painting.
At my most delusional, I was going to be a tv psychic. I thought electricity radiated from my fingertips.
It's when you're down that you realise that these dreams are hopeless (but still never impossible), but coming to terms with the bipolar diagnosis helps you see them for what they are: dreams, only dreams. It's not like I'm sad about this, because I don't want to be a tv psychic or a knitwear designer. No, what I want to be now is a dietician for NASA - I know I can do it!
Apologies for the sloppy manner in which this has been written.
Good one.. I know the feeling.
ReplyDeleteAs soon as I read the 'up' comment, I considered recategorising myself as bipolar instead of occasionally depressed. But then your 'bucket list' is like "wow".
ReplyDeleteThanks for giving this ignoramus a little more understanding.
Thank you. I thought I was just occassionally depressed, otherwise normal.
DeleteThanks for writing about this.
ReplyDeleteI too am bipolar. I know the highs and the lows, unfortunately the lows more so. At my high, I wanted to contact Woody Allen to help the poor devil out. Imagine the hubris! Then again anyone who's ever seen Stardust Memories knows he can use a hand now and then.
Anyway we share this affliction with Catherine Zeta-Jones and Vivien Leigh among others, so it's nice to know I've had sexual fantasies about two women with whom I actually have something, however minor, in common.
Love your comments Perry. Yes, I remember when I believed I was channelling the comedic genius of Bill Hicks.
DeleteFunny, I always thought you were a comedic genius.
DeleteKeep it up. I'll try to handle this side of the Atlantic, please keep holding down yours.