A Trip to Hypomania World

Hello, nice to be back. After the last bout of blogging I fell into a depression and then zoomed into mania - where I still am at the moment. I know some people don't like hearing about bipolar disorder (dunno why), but I can't talk about my life or myself without mentioning it really. Wherever I go, it goes.

As some of you know I dumped my boyfriend. I don't want to go into details but I was in the grip of hypomania at the time. I also put off getting my medication as I no longer believed I was bipolar. I also started believing I had special powers again. Special powers of ruining other people's lives more like. This is going to be a rambled and randomly put together blog as I have racing thoughts at the moment - fun, my mind is constantly busy.

A trip to the supermarket had me thinking about Gok Wan to being killed by being sucked into one of those street cleaning vehicles. These associative thoughts (don't know what that means, but kind of like it, maybe I just made it up) make me very forgetful about what's important or what needs doing, so frequently I come home without the milk but with a few passion fruit, lock myself out of the house, forget my own name at times. A bit scary.

Hypomania/mania can be fun but I get lucid moments when I know that listening to Visage's Fade to Grey and googling jalapenos all day long isn't actually getting my life moving in the direction I want it to go. Basically, for all those of you who ever took drugs, it's like speeding and being stoned at the same time. My bum is glued to the chair continuously facebooking and googling anything that pops into my mind. I sometimes even think I can change the world by these pointless activities.

I sometimes use this energy to get the housework started (I can't say "done" because it never gets done), but will clean tiles - maybe 5 of them before moving onto cutting threads off bath rugs, that sort of thing. My children don't seem to mind my manic moments apart from when I embarrass my eldest in the playground by yelling at people to move out the way. However, I'm not exactly euphoric at this moment in time, more speeded up and irritable, so I like to keep out of people's way - I tend to get the attitude that they're doing things all wrong and too slowly anyway. Like walking, why is everyone walking ridiculously slowly? Why are people pondering groceries and slowly putting them in their shopping trolleys - I don't understand it.

I can't concentrate on anything at the moment which makes form filling and bill paying a bit of a nightmare, I just can't focus and find these activities hugely boring. This has got worse in the last 3 or 4 years, when before I was super organised, must be due to the bipolar getting worse with age and unmedicated for so long, it may be connected to the perimenopause, which I am also experiencing (sweat like a teenage boy, smell like a teenage boy). I was only diagnosed at the beginning of this year, but it didn't come as a huge shock and explained why I have lived the life I have lived.

Anyway, that's about it really. I'm back with my boyfriend who is now caring for me and coping with me. I need that kind of support at the moment without the drugs having kicked in yet. Hopefully will be posting again soon. Bye.